Where do I begin?
I've been staring at my screen for what seems like forever, trying to search for the words but I just don't know what to say. Or how to say it.
Funny how things can look so optimistic one second and the next, everything's burning up in front of you. I really don't understand how things could get so shitty so quickly. I've been looking back at the past few weeks, trying to pinpoint when things started breaking down but when I look back now, all I can see is how broken it was from the beginning. How could I have been so blind, so stupid?
You attacked me. Not physically, but verbally. Although it did feel like a physical attack since the words you said felt like a punch to my chest. How could you do that to me? I know I didn't deserve that kind of treatment from you so why? I never did anything to you. I never spread any rumors about us, never uttered a bad word about you. In fact, I always defended you! But how could you even know that, right? You never asked. You straight up just assumed the worst of me and accused me of doing these things that I would never in a million years even think about doing. Maybe that's what hurt the most. I thought you'd know me better than that after everything but you don't.
I never demanded anything from you. I knew what we were doing. I knew what it was all about for you. Did you hear me complain? Did you hear me demand for more? Did I make you feel that I wanted more? Honestly, please tell me. Because I didn't. I hid all my feelings for you in the deepest recesses of my heart. I pretended to be so aloof that sometimes, I even felt like I was starting to fool myself into thinking that I didn't care about you. So where the hell is all this anger coming from? Please justify yourself because I don't deserve any of this.
You know, I was getting along fine ever since you two started hanging out again. I got the message. I was already keeping my distance. But you just had to stir up some drama, didn't you? You just had to make things harder for me. Breaking my heart wasn't enough for you, you had to destroy me. Well, congratulations! You win. You broke me in ways I didn't even know was possible. You took what was left of my dignity, my self-worth, and you smashed it to tiny little pieces and walked all over them. So fuck you. Fuck you for breaking me. And fuck me for allowing you to do that to me.
