NYE

New Year's Eve!! I can't believe 2012 is ending in 3 hours! It's scary how fast time flies even when you're not having fun. But I'm glad this year is almost over. 2012 has been so shitty so I can't wait what 2013 has in store for me. Hopefully nothing but good things!! :)

Thank you 2012 for a lot of things. You've been real shitty to me but you definitely made me learn a lot of lessons. This year I've been in a relationship, been single, been in some kind of love limbo, alone lonely hurt happy sad stressed excited lost overwhelmed but mostly just okay. I spent half of the year being with someone that when we broke things off, I was at a loss. I didn't know how to go on by myself. There were days where I felt like I made such a huge mistake but looking back now, I'm glad I made that decision for myself. I am much better now. I'm not exactly there yet but I'm getting there.

The thing I'm most thankful for this year is the fact that I got to be with my friends a lot. I probably would have gone insane if I didn't have any of them in my life. They always knew how to cheer me up, whether through jokes, alcohol or just simply being there for me. So thank you guys. I wish I could give all of you a hug and a kiss right now just because you're all so freaking amazing for bearing with all my shit this year. :)

I'm excited for 2013. I'm definitely ready for a clean slate. I will be happier this year. I just know it. :)

Happy New Year everyone!

Christmas Eve

Seasons greetings from Singapore! I'm currently on vacation and I came here to visit my relatives for the holidays. It's been a very busy past few days so far; full of walking and shopping! My body is so sore from all the walking and I can't help but get tired easily since I have no exercise whatsoever. I'm so exhausted right now that I feel like I'm gonna end up falling asleep on my laptop. Not good.

It's always nice to spend some quality time with my relatives but too much of it is never a good thing. I have this problem that I get annoyed easily with my relatives that's why I spend as little time with them as possible. Even with my mom! But this two week vacation is seriously testing my patience. It's only been 4 days and already I feel so irritated with all of them! It's nothing personal, really. I just don't like them being all up in my business and personal space. I miss my friends already. They're the only ones who know how to keep me sane. I can't wait to go back to Manila and go back to my normal routine.

I miss him. Although, I love the fact that we talk every day. We always send messages through Whatsapp and even go on FaceTime once in awhile. It's all really sweet, to be honest. Sigh.

I'm a bunch of emotions right now and I just really need to be alone with some cigs and beer. But instead, I'm going down to the living room to watch a movie with my relatives and endure some more torture. Cheers!

The Ghost Of You

I thought I saw you last night. I was headed out of the bar, ready to go home when I looked to my right and stopped dead on my tracks. My heart started beating faster and my breath got caught up in my throat. You had your back to me so you didn't see me. I immediately felt a wave of emotions come over me. I could feel myself walking towards you, wanting to reach out. But before I could do anything, I stopped myself and realized that wasn't you. I ended up chuckling and thinking what a relief or else I would have made a fool of myself.

I realized today that you're becoming more and more of a ghost. I can see you but I can't touch you. I can feel you but all I feel is coldness. You haunt me every day.

Downward Spiral

I truly believe that happiness comes with a price. We were okay. No, scratch that. We were more than okay. I honestly thought that this was it. It was finally happening for the both of us. We talked every day, we went out almost every night, we laughed, we held hands, we kissed, we cuddled, we were happy. But not everything is as it seems. Things went downhill as quickly as things were looking up for us. I don't know what happened. Suddenly, we weren't talking as much anymore, we weren't going out, we were avoiding each other. It just stopped. Why?

And now, I'm the bad guy. I asked him a few questions, albeit accusatory. Then things went from downhill to shitty mcshitty. Fine, I admit I shouldn't have argued with him but I think that was way overdue already. We've been doing this dance for months now and I just wanted to get some answers but instead, I end up looking like the bad guy. Where is the fairness in that? He says I'm the one making all this drama up and that he doesn't want it. Fine. That's exactly what you are anyway. You run at the first sight of trouble. You leave once things get too serious or emotional. I know exactly what you are. And that's why you will never find love.

I just want more. Is that so bad to ask for? Do I not deserve better than this? Do I not deserve someone who gives his all and not just half the effort? Why won't you just let me in?