Alone Is The New Black

If I could describe myself in one word, it would be alone. Lonely would be another word but let's talk about that some other time. I am alone. And I will be alone for awhile. It's not necessarily a bad thing since I've realized that it's good to be alone. It's not so bad.

I've always felt alone. I could pretend to be a psychologist and pinpoint it to the fact that I am an only child but regardless, it's an emotion I've felt all throughout my existence. And it's one that I'm starting to embrace.

I love to surround myself with people but lately, it just doesn't seem to work anymore. I could shut off my feelings before but I think I broke the switch. Now, I just feel more alone whenever I'm with anyone. So, I had this brilliant idea to be alone. For once, I wanted to try being by myself. I went to a coffee shop, bought myself a green tea frappe and salad, settled down in a corner, plugged in my iPod and started writing. At first, it felt daunting. I felt uncomfortable. But as the minutes passed, I slowly eased into it. Soon enough, I found myself enjoying it! I didn't care if I looked like some friendless loser spending Friday night by myself instead of going to a raging party at some club. I was alone and it felt good.

I tried it again earlier. I went to a coffee shop, ordered some food and retreated into a corner with my music and cigs. I realized then that it felt good to be alone because I could just focus on myself. I had no one to talk to except for myself. Well, of course I didn't talk to myself out loud since I didn't want anyone to think I was crazy or something. But I did have a conversation with myself. In my head. And we got to sort out a lot of things.

I really like being alone now. I'm actually looking forward to more alone days. I think this is exactly what I need right now. I just need to be by myself and figure things out, get to know myself some more and just be comfortable with the idea of being alone. I don't understand why it seems like taboo to be alone because honestly, I think we all need to be alone once in awhile.