I really don't know what I'm doing lately. I feel like each day, I'm digging a deeper hole for myself. I know I'm fucking things up. I know I'm doing more harm than good. But I can't stop. I just want to be able to step out of myself whenever I'm about to do something stupid and just slap myself in the face. Disaster averted! How easy is that? But of course, nothing is ever easy.
And this! This isn't easy. I feel like I've been thrown out of an airplane and right into the Pacific Ocean. I'm trying to swim against the current but I don't even know how to swim so basically I'm just drowning.
And I am drowning. I've been drowning myself in alcohol, smoking, going out, friends, even work! Drowning myself in anything that could distract me even for a little bit. It never works, though. So I just keep on doing it. I keep on drowning until I swim to the surface, gasping for air.
No comments:
Post a Comment